


maybe, I'm afraid

by xx_anklebiters_xx



Category: Bandom, Paramore
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24959347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xx_anklebiters_xx/pseuds/xx_anklebiters_xx
Summary: taylor tries to ease hayley's fears and tensions after an unexpected turn of events during their first date.
Relationships: Hayley Williams/Taylor York
Comments: 12
Kudos: 28





	maybe, I'm afraid

**Author's Note:**

> hey! for a long time i didn't expect to ever want to make an account here because i felt like managing stories here and on wattpad would be difficult. i recently took the time to actually look around this site, though, and found that i like the way it functions better and so i decided to join. this piece is entirely new and will be published on wattpad sometime next week and i hope to be adding some of my favorite works of mine from there onto here as well, so if you haven't read those quite yet, look out for them and if you've read them before, well... thank you! that being said, i hope you all enjoy this oneshot and I'm excited to be expanding my work for you guys!
> 
> much love,  
> xx_anklebiters_xx

_ “I don’t care how long you’ve known me, you’ll change your mind once we’re actually in a relationship.”  _

Her words resonated with me, especially as we swayed back and forth in my living room. She sniffled and it broke my heart. “Hey, hey, please don’t cry, Hayles.” I pulled away and wiped her tears. “It’s okay.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I- I don’t know why I did that, I shouldn’t have done that.”

I let go of her hands, untangling her body from mine. She looked lost as if she’d never been to my home before. As if she wasn’t sitting at my doorstep when I arrived at my home earlier on in the night. I tried not to think about it as I moved toward the record player. After starting up an old Sinatra record, I returned to her.

“Dance with me,” I requested. Our new swaying turned rhythmic, she hummed along quietly.

It was silent for a while if one were to ignore Hayley’s sniffling weep and wavering hum. Once her humming turned to quiet singing, I nuzzled my face into her neck and breathed deeply for a second.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated.

I shook my head. “I know you are, you don’t have to keep telling me.”

“Oh,” she whined out, “I can’t believe I ruined us before we even started!”

I chuckled and rubbed her back up and down. “Okay, you ruined our first official date, I won’t lie. But who said I didn’t want a second one?”

“You’re crazy,” she mumbled against my chest.

“Crazy that you like,” I reminded her.

“Mhmm,” she hummed. “Crazy that  _ you  _ like.”

“You’re definitely crazy, yeah. But it’d take one to know one,” I pointed out with a laugh.

“Of course. Obviously, you’d have to be crazy to want to be with me,” she said, looking down at her feet.

I ran my fingers down the back of her neck until my hand reached her waist and she shivered a little. “I can’t but feel like you always freak out because of me,” I whispered.

“No,” she said. “I freak out because I’m selfish. I shouldn’t have run out on our first date like that. Especially not after you trusted me enough to try again.”

We kept swaying as I thought on that statement. Maybe I was just as scared as she was. “Can you at least explain why you did?”

She nodded and looked at me as if she owed me that. Of course, I knew that she didn’t, but she wouldn’t allow herself to believe otherwise and there was almost no fighting that. And at the same time I argued with myself about this, I thought back to her saying she just couldn’t do it and rushing out of the restaurant we were in before our food had even arrived.

“I don’t know,” she said with a sigh. “I just started thinking too much and all these what-ifs and maybes started running through my head. And I knew that at the end of the day you would still be my bandmate and friend and that I would always love you just the same, I just thought for a second it wouldn’t be enough.”

“You’re always enough. You’re  _ more  _ than enough. You’re absolutely perfect and a dream come true. Well… not perfect, but perfect to me. Now, I recognize that you’re far from flawless, but you’ve gotta give yourself a lot more credit for how great you are.” I pulled back from her and locked our fingers together. She gave me a sad little smile.

“I also worry sometimes that I’m just too much to deal with,” she told me. “You know, more trouble than it’s worth.”

I rolled my eyes and with a shake of my head said, “Yeah I do know that. I also know why you think that. God, he was so wrong Hayley. You’ll never understand how angry that makes me. You know that there’s nothing wrong with you, right? You know that I love you, right?”

She took a step back with a shake of her head and whispered, “Taylor, don’t.”

I pulled her closer and held her tightly around the waist. “Oh, no you don’t. You’re not running again. You heard me right: I love you. I love you when you forget to put your contacts in and then get mad that you didn’t bring your glasses. I love you when you’re hangry. I love you before  _ and  _ after your meds. I love you when you steal my sweatshirts. I love you when you fuck up and then write a whole song about fucking up and then make direct eye contact with me when we’re tracking vocals because you’re just too stubborn to outwardly start the conversation about it. I love you when you interrupt me so you can run outside and water your plants. And on that note, I  _ don’t  _ love when you shove a random herb in my mouth because you’re proud you’ve grown it and want me to taste it, but I love you so I let you do it anyway. I love you when you turn your music up too loud and dance around. I love you when you bump into things and automatically assume they’ve been moved. And you know what? I even love you when you run out on our date even though you’ve already promised to be more open about your fears with me.”

Her face was red and she laughed a little, a few tears falling. “I’d cry harder if I hadn’t already dehydrated myself tonight.” And then she said, “So you love me, big deal. Don’t you think I love you? It still scares me to think one day you might not. And I’ve seen how fast that day can come.”

“You looked me in the face and ran away from me in public today and you’re asking if I know you love me?” I joked. When she frowned, I said, “Isn’t that what we’re all scared of? I loved you throughout your relationship with that ogre and I watched you become someone almost unrecognizable. I think I’m here for the long run, but we’ll never know if we don’t try.”

She didn’t look convinced, though. I couldn’t blame her because I’d seen that man spew bullshit at her for years on end. I’d seen it blow up in her face, too. There was no reason for her to not be scared that there was at least  _ some  _ risk.

“I mean it,” I promised. “I wanna love you and help  _ you  _ learn how to love you. I wanna show you the side of you that you forgot you had; the one that knows you’re a beautiful person who is deserving of loving and being loved. You deserve every ounce of love I have to give you. Hell, you probably deserve more. Just give us a shot, and if  _ that  _ blows up, you can fist-fight me in the backyard.”

Hayley laughed and said, “Deal, but only if we date at home. I wanna order in and have fun in private. In retrospect, agreeing to meet you somewhere public wasn’t my speed.”

“I still think that would have gone better if you’d let me pick you up. How would you have escaped then?” I jested.

“You’re  _ real  _ close to getting fist-fought in the living room just because you can’t hush up, you turkey,” she griped, waving her little fist at me.

“Calm down, tiny fists, you don’t need to fight me. I’d be able to escape in the time it took you to find a stepping stool anyway.” I practically wheezed when she playfully smacked my arm.

When I slouched over from all the laughing, she jumped up and put me in a headlock. “Take it back!” she shouted.

“No!” I protested. She then lowered herself, attempting to use her weight to lower my body to the ground. “Oh, you wanna go?”

I allowed her to pull me to the ground and then pinned her to the floor. She fought back ruthlessly, pushing her legs against me to try and flip us over. Her face reddened and she struggled to use all of her might against me.

I began to count, “One, two three-”

“No!” she screeched over me. “No! You stop that right now!”

“Niiiiiine… ten! I win!” I yell.

She let out a frustrated sort of howl and then let her arms just flop down. “Then what’s your prize?”

“Well, I’d ask for a date but you know how the last one went,” I laughed. “How about a kiss?”

She rolled her eyes and said, “I’ve kissed you like a hundred times before.”

“And?” I questioned. “Always feels like a victory to me.”

“Oh really?” she asked.

“Really,” I confirmed.

“Huh,” she murmurs and then smirks. “Well, then how about we make the kiss the beginning of a quest that ends in your bed?”

“Now  _ that  _ sounds like a prize!”


End file.
